Proverbs 19:13

A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.

We turn to the Bible for our ethical perspectives in life, which means that the Bible defines what is sinful and what is evil. What is evil is not necessarily sinful. For example, contracting the measles is an evil thing, but it is not of itself sinful.

This verse gives us two evil things that will visit a family from time to time. First, a son who is easily taken by bad companions, falls into alcohol abuse and fornication, and sits around playing computer games instead of working at twenty years of age, is a curse and a shame to his father. The mere existence of this foolish son is an evil curse for his father. It is worse than the father contracting the measles. Yet, you may notice that the verse does not address the sin of it, or the cause of it. The son’s foolishness is a consequence of many things, including his own rebellious heart. But the influence of ungodly peers, wicked cultural practices, and the sinful abdication of a father’s nurture could contribute as well. In our day especially, the hearts of fathers are badly separated from their sons. But none of these things are mentioned in the verse, because every situation is unique. Rest assured that in whatever way a son becomes foolish, he will be a sorrow, a calamity, a heaviness, and a lifelong disappointment to his father. That is the plain meaning of this text.

But secondly, the family is also cursed by a wife who gives way to the sin of contentiousness and complaining. Because a wife plays the part of a helper to complete her husband, she can either make or break him. Most husbands do not enjoy being in the presence of a wife who nags and complains; and for those ungodly husbands who do not have the gumption to survive the marriage, they will quickly file divorce papers. Here Proverbs compares the nagging wife to something akin to Chinese water torture. She is relentless in her discontent, and she cannot restrain herself from airing her complaints to those who are closest to her.

While much of the Book of Proverbs is directed toward sons, this verse has an important lesson specifically intended for young women. They should be particularly wary of sins of the tongue. It is incumbent upon fathers who love their daughters and their future sons-in-law to work with their daughters in this area when they are young. Should our daughters attempt to manipulate others by sour attitudes, complain against the providence of God, or fail to express gratitude to God in the home, fathers must lovingly and patiently correct them for these things. Otherwise, our daughters will make lousy wives and miserable homes for the next generation. Whiny, bossy, nagging, ungrateful little girls will not make for loving, submissive wives and mothers. May God have mercy on our homes!

Proverbs 19:14

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

In contrast with the previous verse, this text provides two of God’s blessings for families. Normatively, a good man passes an inheritance on to his children and to his grandchildren. This can be and has been severely curtailed by several generations that have consumed previous capital and then increased debt tenfold (per household, adjusted for inflation) since 1900. Inheritance can also be undermined by the devastation of war. But those countries that are blessed with moral integrity within and peace from without should see families passing on an inheritance to future generations. Sad to say, barely 5% of the present generation in this country will receive anything substantial from their parents in an inheritance.

The second blessing mentioned here is “a prudent wife.” In contrast with the dripping faucet of the previous verse, this is a gifted, productive wife who can manage a home and see to the success of the household. The word “prudent” speaks of “know-how.” In our vernacular, we would say that she is competent, skillful, and successful. When Dr. Thomas Stanley interviewed 722 millionaires in America and determined that the majority considered “a supportive spouse” an essential factor of success, he was only confirming the principle recorded by this wise sage 3,500 years earlier. So much of a man’s success in life, whether it be in raising his children or managing his household affairs, rests upon the character of the wife he chooses to marry. Will she be a dripping faucet or a competent, hard-working, faithful, and prudent wife?

Family Discussion Questions:

1. How might we avoid becoming a curse to our family (as fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters)?

2. What is a “prudent” wife? How might our daughters aspire to become that faithful, prudent wife?

3. How might we break ranks with what is happening in the world and provide a good inheritance to our children and grandchildren? Does an inheritance include anything more than houses and riches?