Proverbs 18:18

The lot causes contentions to cease, and parts between the mighty.

Some disagreements may be worked out easily. But others can be extremely difficult for many reasons. There may be long-standing animosities, or there may be layers and layers of deceit working throughout the discussions. Or it may be impossible to really ascertain the facts of the case. The fellow that saw what happened may have died, for example. There may also be equal fault on both sides, making it impossible to favor one side over the other.

It is important for the wisest judges to assume humility at some point, and to admit they cannot administer perfect justice. Only God is both omniscient and absolutely just, so only He can make the wisest judgments. In light of that, human judges may sometimes flip a coin to determine who should win a case. Yet if parents, elders, or civil judges did that sort of thing, it is a dereliction of duty—an abdication of human responsibility. You may remember that Proverbs 16:33 established the absolute sovereignty of God in every roll of the dice or flip of the coin. Moreover, the hearts of kings and judges are in the hands of God, and He turns them wherever He wishes (Prov. 21:1). Therefore, it is true that God is 100% sovereign over the outcome of the decision whether a flip of a coin is used or not. But when men resort to the flip of a coin in every single case, before they have attempted to consider the case and make a righteous judgment in the matter, they have abdicated their responsibility. Nevertheless, if they have exhausted all of their own abilities and applied as much human responsibility to the case as possible to obtain justice, a judge may flip a coin and turn the case entirely over to the sovereign direction of God.

If both parties are willing to submit themselves to the flip of a coin, it becomes difficult then for either party to take issue with the judge or with the other party after the coin drops to the floor. The decision was made by the providential outcome of the lot. No matter how sure they are of themselves in their opinions concerning the case, and no matter how powerful these men are, they must bow to the sovereignty of God in the outcome of the coin toss.

Proverbs 18:19

A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

Have you ever tried to salvage a vase that was smashed into a thousand pieces? Or have you tried to rescue a ship that was sinking and already ten feet under the water? Some catastrophic events take us past “the point of no return.” If the vase had only chipped a little we might have repaired it. Or, if the ship had only a foot or two of water in the hold, we might be able to man the pumps for a while and salvage the craft. The same principle applies to human relationships. It is possible to sink a relationship such that salvaging it would be nearly impossible.

Think about how hard it would be to take down a walled city before the days of aircraft and cannons. Such a tremendous feat required wise planning, indomitable courage, and persistent endeavor. No less effort is required to win a brother who is offended! In these conflicts, hearts really grow harder than concrete and tougher than steel.

Above all, you must work hard to maintain and mend your relationships before things come unraveled. Don’t drop the vase, and don’t sink the ship. If you have offended a brother, humble yourself and go to your brother immediately, confessing your sins and asking for his forgiveness. Do not delay for a moment when it comes to manning the pumps in the hold of the ship! There are some things you can afford to put off until later. But Jesus requires you to mend your relationships the minute you sense your brother is offended with you (Matt. 5:23–24).

Is there any hope for broken relationships? If there is hope for the broken relationship between man and his eternal Creator, if there is any power in the reconciling work of the Son of God, then we have to believe that His blood can dissolve those iron bars separating brother from brother! However, if there are unbelievers involved in the conflict, there is very little hope that it can ever be resolved. Professing Christians who live in bitterness toward one another and refuse to restore relationships have not experienced the reconciling power of the blood of Christ. Reconciliation in our vertical relationship with God is concomitant with reconciliation in the horizontal with our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ.

Family Discussion Questions:

1. What types of situations are legitimate for the use of lots or the flip of a coin?

2. Have you ever flipped a coin to make a decision? Was this an appropriate thing to do? What are the right situations in which you might do this?

3. How effective are we at maintaining our relationships in our family and church? Are there any relationships that need repair right now?

4. Are there any relationships in our lives that are in need of serious work? What would you do if you had a long-standing, difficult conflict like that described in verse 19?