Proverbs 18:13

He that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame unto him. 

The scenario is all too common. In the middle of a marital crisis, a wife complains to a counselor or friend about how badly her husband treats her. Of course, the temptation for the counselor is to quickly take sides in the conflict before hearing both sides of the story.

The temptation to rely on only one side in the conflict is sometimes overwhelming. This is especially true when you have a closer relationship with the first party arguing his or her case. But to give in to this temptation is foolish and undermines your own integrity and reputation. Wise counselors quickly learn that there are always two sides to a story. Moreover, these conflicts can be very complex due to the layers of deceit and wickedness that lie within human hearts.

What is commended here in this passage is patience, careful investigation, and contemplation before giving advice. It is usually your pride that wants to “jump the gun” in order that others might hear your opinions and “sage wisdom.” But you should rather develop the habit of asking questions. Dig deeper. If you sense that someone may be lying or exaggerating, take a little more time to investigate the matter before you provide your counsel.

Proverbs 18:14

The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but who can bear a wounded spirit? 

While climbing one of the largest mountains in the Western hemisphere several years ago, a mountaineer fell into a deep ravine. His partner left him, thinking he was dead. The climber had broken both of his legs, but he pulled himself over ice and rock with his hands for six full days, and eventually made it to base camp! Stories like this illustrate the incredible strength available within the inner spirit of a human being. Men have overcome debilitating handicaps by sheer strength of spirit, accomplishing the most amazing feats.

But then there is the man of the strongest physical constitution whose spirit is wounded to the very core of his being. He may lose his beloved wife and never fully recover from the blow. He would rather have been tossed 1,000 feet by a large truck than for his spirit to take a stunning blow of that magnitude. It would be better to lose the use of your hands, arms, legs, and feet, rather than to sustain a wound to the spirit. Who can bear a wounded spirit? There is only one thing to do with a wounded spirit—take it to the Lord Himself. In the words of the psalmist, “Hope in God. For I shall yet praise Him who is the help of my countenance and my God!”

As long as his spirit is intact, a man may be able to fend for himself. But when the spirit has been shot through by the convicting Word of God, or by hard providential dealings (the loss of a wife or a child), a man will come to the end of himself! There is now nothing within his power that can save him. If he would realize this and turn to God for help, then he might be saved out of his desperate condition.

Family Discussion Questions:

1. What does it mean to have a wounded spirit?

2. What happens when a man does not patiently investigate both sides of the story before he makes a judgment call?

3. Why is it so tempting to give counsel before we have heard all sides of the story and carefully contemplated the problems?

4. What are some of the signals that somebody might be exaggerating as they tell their “side of the story”?

5. How might you counsel one who has been wounded in spirit?