Proverbs 20:3

It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.

Strife is evil. As cancer and auto accidents are evil, so strife is evil. Though not necessarily sinful, these evil consequences are practically inevitable in a sinful world. But how must we deal with evil? Of course, medical doctors seek to relieve the evil of disease and suffering, and we must do our level best to bring strife to an end wherever it occurs.

Strife seems to be as inevitable in this world of sin as the curse of sickness and pain. Thus all of us should strive to be peacemakers, working our way out of the labyrinth of each conflict in which we happen to find ourselves. There are many ways in which to work through conflicts. Unfortunately, it is rare to find truly honorable men who have the character, the desire, and the wisdom to bring conflicts to an end. But this is what we must learn to do. Here are several ways in which conflicts are brought to an end.

1. Stop talking. In the multitude of words there is no lack of sin, and gossip always fans the flames of conflict.

2. Confess your own sins, and ask for forgiveness. Often this is a good way to bring conflict to a quick end.

3. Submit to the counsel of reconcilers. Those who love strife will hate the idea of reconciliation, and by this they prove their hatred for God. But if there are disagreements in the family, children should quickly submit to the counsel of their parents, accept the consequences for their behavior, confess the sins that were raised in the counsel, and work to restore relationships.

4. A gift in secret may appease wrath. Although not usually effective at resolving deep-rooted conflicts, it is something that can soften the heart of your enemy.

5. You might also let yourself be defrauded to some degree, especially if the things being argued about are minor. You must be careful not to lend support to your brother’s sins. But if his sins are unclear and your relationship is such that you cannot clearly understand his issues, then it’s always best to err on the side of letting yourself be defrauded.

6. Separate the protagonists. Occasionally, church communities are plagued by a divisive, schismatic person, but proper church discipline should result in the separation of these troublemakers from the flock (Prov. 26:20; Titus 3:10).

One way or another, we must take active steps to bring strife to an end. We cannot allow it to continue indefinitely, or it will destroy our families and communities.

Then, in contrast to the honorable man is the fool who sees no need to put an end to the strife. In fact, he revels in the strife. For some reason, he cannot understand the fact that there is no profit in the strife itself. But the reality is that there is only profit in working a way out of strife! If, after some counsel with those with whom you strive, you conclude that one or both of the protagonists have no desire to end the strife, you have to conclude that you are dealing with fools.

Proverbs 20:4

The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing.

There is always a reason why the sluggard cannot do his work. In all of his years of sluggishness, this young man has learned to do one thing exceptionally well—come up with creative excuses as to why he didn’t do what he was supposed to. So he will starve to death along with all of his excuses.

But we will teach our sons responsibility. They must learn that responsible people do not make excuses. Responsible people take responsibility for their mistakes. When they are given responsibilities, they make sure they’re done. They double check their work to make sure that it was done completely and they met or exceeded expectations. If a mother expects the bed to be made each day, the child will make the bed and do it to his mother’s expectations. (Of course, parents must be careful not to place unreasonable expectations on their children and thereby provoke them to wrath.)

Obstacles are not excuses for us. They only force us to work harder and more creatively in order to overcome them. We must resolve in our minds that our dominion work will always entail obstacles, and it will be by the sweat of our brow that we will bring forth fruit out of this land. Without this mindset, people starve to death. Those who procrastinate and fail to sow seeds in the present will not reap in the future.

Family Discussion Questions:

1. What is the difference between strife and evil things like cancer and auto accidents?

2. What are some good ways to bring conflict to an end?

3. What would you do with a person who persists in continuing a conflict with another, refusing to do anything to resolve it?

4. Think of a certain project that you have worked on recently. What sort of obstacles did you confront, and how did you overcome them? Were you discouraged by the obstacles or more driven to overcome them?